The Home Bikini Wax

The following story was written as a text for a few of my close girlfriends. Before I post my text message, I would like to apologize to my Dad, who will inevitably end up reading this story as I'm sure this is one of the last things he ever wants to read about his daughter. But let's face it ladies, beauty is work sometimes. And I'm not 100% sure that the male species really understands exactly all of the effort that goes into looking like a presentable member of society. I give you the text message: If you are receiving this message it is because I wanted to share my experience today with those nearest and dearest to me. I hope you do not make the same mistake I did..some of you may be familiar with my recent failed attempt at "sugaring" (you mix sugar and water to create wax, aka cover your lady bits in honey and remove no hair). Well today I woke up and said "Let's try this again." I don't like getting Brazilian waxes professionally done because I always cry a little and I don't like crying in front of strangers, not to mention they are expensive. So today I went to Sally's and bought a home wax kit. I followed all of the directions. Microwaved the wax the exact time instructed, prepped the area accordingly. I even tested a strip on the back of my wrist. All looked ready to go. I was excited, this was going to be great! Well, I applied the wax, then the strip, pulled, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced in my short 25 years. While a few strands of hair seemed to come up with the strip, there was still wax and hair left behind. So I tried again, JESUS WHY?! It was at this very moment I decided I couldn't bare doing this to my entire..self. So, as instructed I used the bottle of "wax off" that came with the kit to remove the remaining wax. Well, fail number 2 for the day. The "wax off" and wax mixed together to form this oily clay that then stuck to my brand new acrylic nails. Not to mention, my bikini line was so angry it looked like it could have been featured on the season premier of Game of Thrones. I hopped in the shower, I tried everything, dial soap, dawn, Clean and Clear Morning Burst Facial Scrub, VS Love Spell body scrub, fucking clarifying shampoo, ANYTHING to remove the wax. Fail, fail, fail, I was a sticky hot mess. I spent roughly 30 minutes in the shower before I quit. As I write this in my leggings I hope that I will be able to take them off later today and they have not glued themselves to my leg. The moral of the story today, is let professionals be professionals. The 55 dollar Brazilian wax at European Wax Center is worth every penny.